Jason Ginnelly

12; 19; 22. ©by Jason Ginnelly.
12;19;22.
Step Off.

Fixed tear stained stare…
staring into?…What?
Blackness, A Void? White light?

Whose in control?
In control of what?
Whose controlling who?
Person, people, circumstance.

Luck, fate, wrong place, right place,
face fit? Square peg, round hole.
Trying to make things meet,
falling short.

Decimates, chips at core of centre.
Strength, structure vanishing,
moment by moment.
Strain increasing,
disintegration enveloping.

Veneer peeling, splitting,
creaking…
crack after crack after crack.

Struggling, retching, gasping,
gasp, gasp,
Silence.
Today a local woman has been found,
having taken her own life.
The mother leaves behind three children,
aged 12, 19 and 22.
Fly free now,
Soar delicate little bird.
Your suffering has ended.

Peace begins,
let it be with you,
always…

(In Memory of Debbie.)

 

 

A definition of Control. ©by Jason Ginnelly.
Control,
black hole, sucked in,
sinking, sunk.

Frightened,
fumbling, fearful,
Hurt, wounded,
weak, helpless,
trapped.

Lost,
Faint, flickering…
Darkness, powerless…
Power – cut.

Enter – in…
Enlightenment.
Experience,
Education,
Encouragement.

Empowered, POWering Up,
Energising, Energised,
Exuding Energy.
Enthusiasm enthused.

Optimism, opening out,
growing, gaining,
gathering, sometimes giving.
Getting up.

Resources,
replenished, refreshed,
redefined,
Respected.

Boundaries,
brittle, broken,
built, bonded,
battle hardened.

Strength secured, solidified.

Control…a definition,
A conscious or unconscious coupling or uncoupling about…
YOU and what matters to YOU.

 

 

Ghosts and Memories haunt my sleep.

Ghosts and memories haunt my sleep,
vivid visions call out and cry.
We both falter.
Inside, our spirits awaken to weep.

Sullied grave and bed merge together, a muddied heap.
‘I shouldn’t be here son, it wasn’t time for me to die’.
Ghosts and memories haunt my sleep.

Tombstone casts unending shadow
over the secrets they keep.
Covering up the broken body, they did defile with lies.
Inside, we both falter, our spirits awaken to weep.

The truth and crime of your death, buried deep.
Horrific cruelty, your pain and suffering,
hidden, till after our goodbye.
Ghosts and memories haunt my sleep.

Live a life around this we try,
hourglass sands shift and flow,
Vivid visions, still call out and cry.

Awaken to weep, Inside, we falter,
tormented spirits scarred permanently,
as ghosts and memories haunt my sleep.

©by JASON GINNELLY.

 

 
Home.

Home,
Dissolving into the walls,
shadows and noise cease to breathe.
Disappearing, past tense.

Death and undertaker’s former address.
Horror and loss outstayed their welcome.
Spirits strangle slowly,
Sadness and heartache linger.

A toxic mould growing,
deconstructing the shell,
stifling sorrow,
cruel tragedy tormenting still.

Happiness fragments,
unravelling family ties,
ostracised, belonging no more.
It isn’t what it was.

Our past, my present,
scars unhealed,
Madness, danger,
will you leave us be.

Home,
what you were, what it meant.
who you became,
what will you become.

Home, what’s inside you now?

©by Jason Ginnelly.

 

 

I have known people
I have known people who are summer days and winter months.

Fearful of long pauses and empty silence,
Who denied themselves freedom,
by losing contact with their child within.
Resenting the wisdom of the young.

I have known people who discarded others like broken toys.

I have known people who are resistant to learning.

With the maturity of a foetus,
who behave like cuckoos,
with the warmth of ice
and the calmness of volcanoes.

I have known people who cause devastation like dynamite.

I have known people as pleasant as diarrhoea.

Who should come with best before dates.
Arrogantly blaming others for their downfall,
ignoring their own splintering reflection.
Who to experience them, is like bathing in barb wire.

I have known people who are just organ sacks.

I have known people attuned to a similar frequency.

Who can sit in the dark space,
whom it’s been a privilege to help rebuild and reforge,
where distances were bridged and closer bonds formed,
to see the differences between selfishness and self acceptance.

I have known people learning to love themselves.

I have known people, creased and weathered.

Who were part of my life for too little time.

I have known people who are rainbows after rainstorms.

©by Jason Ginnelly.

 

 

Mind.
Crying out silently, against the white noise,
Mind inside, it’s never fully known healing.
Thinking and feeling, pulsing and spinning,
A head full of words.

Coping on the surface on a scale of 1-10…
Hyperventilating, Gulping hard for air.
Guttural growling growing…unrelenting.
Emotional belongings packed up tightly,
against storm force feelings that ensue.

Fragmented recollections,
memories, happiness,
sadness, heartache,
coping fractured,
BANG,
chasm splits…

Slipping, sliding, slithering, writhing mind,
on the shattered shards of internal glass.
Searing pain the feeling now,
the slashing and slicing of the knife, knife, knife.

Languishing in a void,
Invisible, visible scars, lost in space,
mirror reflections etched on my face.
Unseen to the outside world,
catastrophe and wreckage inside of untold mind violence.

Living or existing?
After retreating inside to try and heal the self,
Eyes are being punished now,
blinking hard at the daylight.
Thrashing through trash,
what’s left of disintegrated me.

Gathering together dishevelled remnants of my elegant clutter.
Covered in cobwebs, debris and dust.
Reset to default position,
Harmonic waves and old songs playing,
Internal radio forever needs retuning.

Uncomplicated normality,
the need for clarity, healing and thought.
Coping on the surface on a scale of 1-10…
Tremor in the talking,
Eye contact, please non binding.

A mind inside, thinking and feeling,
Will it ever fully know healing?

©by Jason Ginnelly.

 

 

Your mind is Your computer…
…System access set up…
Battery life 100% fully functioning…
Mother Board = Perfect…
Central Processing Unit = Complete…

initialising introductory protocols …
formatting set up and data transfer…Buffering…
information downloaded…
software ready for programming and operating tasks…

Action, Reaction, cause, effect…Thought…Buffering….
Reflection, introspection…Buffering…Reflection, Thought…thought…
Action , reaction, cause effect, reflection…Buffering…

Data analysis suggested…security protocols checked…
Firewall safety and maintenance procedures required…
Buffering…thought, reflection, introspection…reaction, action, cause and effect…Buffering…

cause, effect, thought, reaction, introspection, action, thought, reflection…Buffering…
virus detected…thought, thought thought…Buffering…
operating suggestions questioned…Buffering…
Return to original default settings…Buffering…

Control, Alt, Delete…Control, Alt, Delete…Buffering…
thought, though, thoug, thou, tho…Buffering…
cause, effect, reflection…introspection…Buffering…
hardware system malfunction detection…Mood drop…repair…

access, describe, prescribe…Pill Pop…Buffering…
Defragging…thought, thought, though, thoug…reflection…action, reaction…Buffering…
close all existing open programs running…Buffering…
Reboot required…updates and restart required…Buffering…

Mother-Board no longer operable…
Central Processing Unit…requires operator analysis…Buffering…
Storage systems require memory upgrades…Buffering…

Reflection inspection…thought, introspection, thought, action, reaction, cause and effect…Buffering
Files available to upload…Buffering…Reflection, thought…introspection…thought… thought…Buffering…
unable to download…unable to complete tasks…
Try removal of used / unused data, that may have corrupted the memory…Buffering…
Buffering…Buffering…Buffering…

original system and programming no longer supports existing model and current set up…
contact manufacturer for advice and latest compatible operating versions…
Battery life discharging…Reconnection to energy / power supply and technical support advised and recommended.
thought, action, reaction, reflection, introspection…cause and effect…Buffering…
thought, action, reaction, thought, cause and effect…thought, reflection, introspection…Buffering…

©by Jason Ginnelly.

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